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Managing Emotions vs. Controlling Emotions
Author: Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
DEFINITIONS

Managing Your Emotions - Being aware of your emotions and letting them happen. Understanding where they come from and what they mean. "Getting" the message they are sending. Knowing that you have a choice in how you respond to them.

Controlling Your Emotions - Shutting down when you're feeling an emotion. Not letting it surface. Stuffing it down. Not getting the message it's trying to give you. Faking it. Forcing yourself not to feel what you're feeling. Denying what you're feeling.

COMPARISONS

Being in touch with your emotions vs. Being out of touch with your emotions

Experiencing your emotions and deciding what you will do with this information vs. Shutting down the emotion, or reacting to it in a knee jerk fashion

Allowing all your emotions as valid sources of information vs. Being willing to allow only certain emotions you consider proper

EXAMPLE

Managing Your Emotions - As John James sat in the meeting, he realized his pulse was racing, his jaw was clamped, and his knee was bouncing up and down. When he examined the source, he realized that his manager was once again belittling the staff and claiming credit for what others had done and this was making him angry. He decided to quit pretending things were going to change, and to get his resume ready.

Controlling Your Emotions - Mary's husband demeaned her again and then struck her in the face. She told herself he was a good man and couldn't help doing that, and that it didn't really hurt. She “knew” there was nothing she could do about it, so she ignored her blinding headache and cramping stomach, and went on about her housework.

KEY POINT

When you manage your emotions, you can 'get' the important information they are bringing to you, and then decide whether to respond, and if so, how, when and where.

BENEFITS

When you can manage your emotions and develop your emotional intelligence, your life will work better.

RELATED DISTINCTIONS

Pulling gently on the bit vs. Whipping the horse and using spurs

Driving the car vs. Riding the gas pedal and brake

Leading the elephant out of the living roomvand back where it belongs vs. Pretending the elephant in the living room isn't there

About the Author

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, distance learning, and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your continued personal and professional development. I train and certify EQ coaches. Get in this field, dubbed “white hot” by the press, now, before it’s crowded, and offer your clients something of exceptional value. Start tomorrow, no residence requirement. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine.

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1. Cheap Hotels with Oxina in Ireland
... and Connolly Railway as well as DART Station. The hotel is close to ... is swimming, tennis and horse riding available locally ... Monaco Morocco Netherlands New Zealand Northern Mariana Islands ...
http://www.oxina.com/hotels/hotels_Dublin.asp

2. Kart Registry
... gte.net Ross Lee, Hastings NEW ZEALAND 1972 Panther Zip "A", twin ... Al Postiglione, Centereach NY Dart Kart with a Parilla BA13 ... raced until 1971. A real work horse, we went through a lot ...
http://www.vintagekarts.com/registry.htm

3. Aspire Down Under | NZ Lodges
... clayfield, trap shooting, horse riding and hunting are some of ... way: 25 miles of one of New ZealandÃs most spectacular lakeside ... Jet boating and canoeing the Dart river along with extensive ...
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4. All-Mart Shopping Network-Games, Toys & Hobbies
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5. Find truck driving career and earn money.
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6. High Ride Adventures Horse Treking - New Zealand
... Dart Wilderness Adventures Dart River Safari Funyaks Adventure ... Visual High Ride Adventures Horse Treking Monday, April 28 2003 ... Road RD2 Te Anau New Zealand When riding with High Ride Horse ...
http://www.weblognz.com/20030428121328835.htm

7. Inside Rail: June 2005 Archives
... front as at least from 2nd row you can follow a horse through. I think The alberts may be above ... ... first start in Australia after coming from New Zealand and has shown ability there. Memo Stix agree ...
http://www.insiderail.com ...ves/2005/06/index.php

8. Following the Equator, Part 4 by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) - Full Text Fre...
... were two gentlemen there; both riding backward, one at each end of ... forty-seven years? In the New Zealand law occurs this: "The word ... when we saw four men and a pack-horse coming. I left my cover and ...
http://www.fullbooks.com/ ...e-Equator-Part-4.html

9. DREAMS, VISIONS, PROPHECY AND COINCIDENCES ABOUT PRINCESS DIANA
... Our friend, Jeff, dreamed of riding on a bicycle up a hill ... forms. Chiron was half man-half horse & HEALER. He shot ACHILLES in ... to Princess Diana: C2, Q70 The dart from the sky will make its ...
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10. Learn to Speak English in Ireland - Eurolingua Institute
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11. http://www.eaiadventure.com/peru/p01.asp
... Myanmar Namibia Nepal New Zealand Nicaragua Outer Space Panama ... Gorilla Trekking History Horse Riding Incas Jungle Trekking ... View or participate in poison dart frog conservation management ...

12. Queenstown - New Zealand
... Skippers Canyon and The Dart. Select for itinerary The ... priority here. Frommers New Zealand Guide said, Ã¬superb cooks ... activities - Shotover Jet, horse riding, & rafting. Winners of New ...
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13. Coronet View Deluxe Accommodation - Quality Queenstown Bed & Breakfast A...
... bookings around New Zealand. Please Ask) Some of the activities are:- Shotover, Dart and all other Jetboat rides ... including RETAIL THERAPY Horse riding or trekking, Kiwi and ...
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14. Wild Horses of Assateague - Maryland Seashore Ponies | GORP
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15.
http://www.netmation.com/org/i15.htm

16. Southern Lakes
... Central Otago lure you into horse riding, exploring the golden ... the adventure capital of New Zealand. Open Movie The silent ... the Hollyford and the Rees-Dart. Sea Kayaking in Milford Sound ...
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17. Aspen on Queenstown
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18. HarryTheHorse - Angeles City Expat Newsletter for November 2002
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http://www.harrythehorse.com/2002/november.htm

19. CMPS Chapter of the Wildlife Society
... and informative slide lecture on New Zealand game animals; game management problems were ... ... net technique for capturing waterfowl, and the dart gun for capturing deer. A few papers were ...
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20. Sports
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http://www.itzalist.com/sports.html

21. MARCH 1995
... the wave, eventually riding along without ... to Glenorchy, over the Dart & Rees Rivers up to ... small region of New Zealand are experiences as ... whitewater rafting, horse trekking, tandem ...
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22.
... Cup are Australia, New Zealand, United Kingdom ... game played while riding a bike. It is very ... zines. Organizations - Dart leagues, associations ... shows for the Quarter Horse, Appaloosa, and Paint ...
http://www.netmation.org/i15.htm

23. Hidden Dollars by George W. Haylings - Chapter 10
... trailer into a sort of riding Toilet-Service. He ... There are a lot of horse races going on every ... about way from New Zealand, which is one way of ... hat plumes, pillows and dart games. Intestinal fat ...
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24. Ibrag-Swieqi Vacation Rental Ibrag-Swieqi Vacation Rental Holiday Rental Ibr...
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25. Motorcycle Message Board - Motorcycle USA
... 4. The Giant Lawn Dart parks along a rustic ... of places like New Zealand. Not any too sure ... Lots of fun, and great riding to you all, Kim Kim & ... due to my heavy horse hide leather jacket & ...
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26. Activities Glenorchy Queenstown New Zealand, Dart River safari jetboating, I...
... Activities in and around Glenorchy include: " Jet boating " Horse trekking " World class multi/single day hiking " Skiing and snowboarding (some skis supplied) " Fly-fishing " Kayaking and Funyaking ...
http://www.paradiseroad.c ...nstown_activities.htm

27. luxury travel to South Pacific - deluxe private tours to South Pacific - ABS...
... You may like to spend a day horse riding through verdant ... city. Other options include the Dart River Safari, or the Shotover ... AUCKLAND - DEPART NEW ZEALAND Transfer to the airport for ...
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28. http://www.accessibleworldadventures.com/peru/p01.asp

29. Glenorchy New Zealand Jet Boating Mount Aspring Fiordland Tramping World Her...
... Caples, Greenstone, Rees and Dart Valley walking tracks ... some of finest in New Zealand and follow some of the many ... heritage of the region. Horse riding, jet boating, kayaking ...
http://www.atoz-nz.com/glenorchy.asp

30. "sports" Books:
... Illustrated Guide to Riding Tack Sarah Muir and ... for this book used Safe Horse, Safe Rider : A Young ... From Lake Erie to New Zealand, The Susan Foote ... Stars: The Story of Sea Dart Laurel Wagers ...
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